Thursday, September 3, 2009

Girl, You're Gonna Carry that Weight...

Yesterday afternoon I meant to take a picture of myself in a nifty t-shirt I purchased from the Coming Together CafePress store. Yesterday afternoon I discovered that my body has graduated from XL to infinity...and beyond. I saw things no human being should ever need to experience. There was a spare tire, and I don't mean the limp tire you use to get your car from the side of the road to the nearest gas station. I'm talking those jumbo, waffle-fry tread behemoths that feature largely in Jeff Foxworthy monologues. Watch it wiggle, see it jiggle, watch me reach for the comfort of another doughnut. After all, what harm can it do?

It's done plenty, apparently.

There is a dry erase board in the back room of our house, at the corner of which is a number: 187. Over a decade ago I had written that number down as my weight at the time, with the purpose of shrinking it. Today that number is just above my goal weight now. I'd like to step on a scale without hearing it cry for mercy.

It's my own fault, really. Before I got pregnant I had done well - Weight Watchers, no dairy, daily exercise. Even during pregnancy I didn't go overboard with cravings, yet shortly afterward fatigue and apathy settled in. I don't work at a labor-intensive job - I sit all day. I sit all night. I watch my little girl run laps around the house and think I should join her, let her sweat with this oldie.

And dairy, Geds. I've become it's bitch again and there's no turning back, it seems. But I did take one step in the right direction by signing up for Weight Watchers, legitmately this time. Used to be I'd just download eat sheets and try to figure out the points myself. It works for a month then I'm back to old habits. No more. I have trackers and planners and hopefully offline support. My sister lost 40 pounds with WW, my closest friend nearly 70. I know the plan works, I just have to get off my ass and do it.

I just have to get off my ass.

2 comments:

Missy Lyons said...

I can relate. I threw out all the scales in my house because I don't even want to know...

krispykremekiller said...

Women are so hard on themselves! If it is what you want, I know you can do it. I'm a 0% / 100% dieter. I'm either 100% perfect, or 0%. That has stopped this time with me. I have recovered days when I failed for a meal, or a snack. I recovered from some "lost weekends" and even a week's vacation. My advice is not to give up, even if you have a bad meal, or bad day.